


Book Zero

by Origingirl



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, i hope you're ready, y'all know what you signed up for
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:47:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26152885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Origingirl/pseuds/Origingirl
Summary: How about I come see you? I want to see you—need to. I need to tell you. I know you didn't mean to, I know. You need to hear it—to hear what I was afraid of saying. I'm not afraid anymore, I'm not. But you seem to be. Please. Don't be. Don't go. Promise you won't ok?(a.k.a the one where the author says "no, thank you" to the canonical outcome of Sozin and Roku's "friendship")
Relationships: Roku/Sozin (Avatar)
Comments: 47
Kudos: 89
Collections: A:tla





	1. Prologue

**_I want to see you._ **

That was the first line of the letter. 

There was no stalling or cerfuffling around about affairs at the Capitol or how boring the life of a prince was. No frills. No cordial opening. With every letter, there was always something. It was simply how a royal was expected to write.

Here, sitting on his bed reading the letter addressed to him that the monks gave him shortly after curfew, there was nothing—nothing but what the two of them have only ever requested of each other: the _truth._

And this truth written on gentle paper he held in his hands right now felt so, so stupidly heavy.

_‘Go away.’_

Roku hated himself for _that_ being his initial response to Sozin’s words.

He hasn’t even bothered to read the rest because of how much more he might want to drown himself.

**_I want to see you._ **

How raw. And selfish. 

How _exactly_ like Sozin.

At least he hasn’t changed. Or maybe, Roku has finally done enough meditation to convince himself he is no longer the same forlorn soul that had to involuntarily leave the only person he’d trust with his life four years ago.

**_I want to see you._ **

The words made Roku’s heart sink as much as they made it flutter with joy, and he knew precisely why that is, which is why he couldn’t see his oldest friend until he’s achieved both mastery of all four elements and entry into the avatar state.

If Sozin came now, Roku may as well give up entirely on becoming the avatar the world needs. If Sozin showed up tomorrow with that bright, teasing, familiar smile, no amount of meditation or discipline could save Roku from himself.

**_I want to see you._ **

Roku had to write the most emotionally taxing letter of his life first thing tomorrow or everything he’s worked for thus far will have been for naught.

Roku had to. He _had_ to lest he risk disappointing the monks who have been nothing but helpful and hopeful—lest he risk disappointing the _world_ he needs to balance and protect for the rest of his life.

He had to.

And he did.

And he got a response no less than a week later.

**_I’m coming to see you._ **

His whole world may as well have shattered right then, but unlike with the first letter, Roku felt the furthest thing from dread or sorrow or fear.

 _Of course you are_ , he thought to himself, and smiled.


	2. Ready Set Go.

Everything and everyone fell perfectly into place this evening like any other.

Everything except one, small thing, that is.

Dinner was served the same time it always was. Each member of the royal family took their assigned seats and the servants slotted the plates together in a perfectly designed puzzle before them.

Sozin had no doubt that tonight’s dinner featured his favorite dish because his parents wished to speak with him about that one, small thing.

“I’m not sure if this is wise.” Sozin’s mother spoke up from across the dinner table in between sips of tea. “The fire sages made it clear that Roku’s avatar journey is one he must take alone.”

Sozin would only dare to do something so un-princely and immature such as roll his eyes at his mother while in the privacy of their palace. “And he will. This is only a short visit in the twelve years the sages said he’d be away.”

“Perhaps.” His father chimed in. “However, how would you take to someone interrupting your focus while training or reading?”

“Father, it’s _two weeks_ out of _twelve years_. Roku will have all the time he needs to—”

“I understand he is your best and oldest friend, my son. And I shall do nothing to stop you from going. I’m merely offering that you consider your own path as well as Roku’s.”

“It’s not unnatural for even the closest friends to drift apart, dear.” His mother added. “I just don’t want you saddened if you travel such a long way only to find out Roku—”

“Mother, Father, please!” Sozin interrupted her a bit louder than he had meant but did not feel apologetic about it. “I just want to see him while he’s only a few days away. Once he goes to the Northern Water Tribe, it would take weeks to reach him.” Sozin reasoned with his parents, knowing full well that distance would never hinder him from seeing his friend.

“I see.” Was all his father said in response, and went back to his plate as if the conversation never happened.

Typical, Sozin thought.

A knock at his door sounded off shortly before he was about to turn in for the evening.

It was his mother. He could tell by how gentle the rap of the wood sounded against her fair, soft knuckles.

“Sozin? May I come in?”

She sat down next to him with a sigh. “I, too, won’t stop you from leaving to visit Roku. But, I’m worried that by doing so, you’ll only hurt yourself.”

Sozin rolled his eyes as before at the dinner table and crossed his arms. He is tired and should be asleep by now, and frustrated with his whole family at their obvious disdain at Sozin’s choice to go.

“How do you mean?” Sozin entertained his mother’s concerns anyways.

She turned to fully face him. “While your father’s words may have been crudely chosen this evening, I do agree with his sentiment.” She said, bringing a hand up to cup the side of her son’s face. “I wouldn’t dream of disregarding the strong bond the two of you have cultivated since childhood, but you must accept this, dear. You must accept that the two of you are leading lives that are both separate and different.”

“I don’t care.” Sozin huffed, moving away from his mother’s touch. 

He really didn’t mean to be so cruel to her tonight. Truly, he didn’t. His mother, while often passive, has always been a source of comfort and support for him. Why couldn’t she come through this time? What made this time any different?

She attempted to hide the hurt caused by her son’s reaction, but it mattered not. Sozin knew. And he didn’t know why he wasn’t apologizing for anything tonight.

“I’m sorry.” Her voice was low and flat, a tone the prince wasn’t used to hearing from her. “Whatever comes of this trip and the time after it, know that I’ll always be here for you.”

“You say that like me going to visit Roku will cause a natural disaster or unleash a plague,” Sozin said.

“It could.” She said, which made Sozin look at his mother as if she had two heads. 

But then, when she moved to place her hand over her heart, Sozin got the idea, and only grew more frustrated.

“By the spirits, mother, I’m not _five_ anymore, I’m twenty years old. If Roku somehow truly feels we shouldn’t speak again until _after_ his training, then we won’t.”

“I don’t think you’re being honest with yourself, dear.”

“I think I know what this is about.” Sozin stood and turned away from his mother. “I’ve studied our people, culture, and traditions since I could speak. If father still thinks I’m ill-fitted to become his successor to the point of micromanaging where I go and who I associate with, then—”

“Sozin!” His mother shouted and stood to turn him around by the shoulder, an act so forward and passionate that the prince couldn’t believe he was talking to the same woman who had raised him.

“Sit.” She said, her voice filled with this new fervor.

And Sozin obeyed.

Silence engulfed the two for only a few seconds.

“This isn’t about anything like that.” She spoke slowly, her voice reverting back to the meek whisper she’d began this conversation with. “I know what it’s like to lose touch with those you’ve known since the beginning. I wasn’t prepared, but I want you to be.”

Sozin considered her words for only a moment. “Roku is still Roku. I know him.”

“A lot can happen in four years.” She countered.

“That doesn’t matter. _Time_ doesn’t matter.” Sozin shook his head. “Not to us. And it’s like I said, if Roku feels he needs space away from everything, I’d—”

“You’d be ruined.” His mother interrupted, and this time when she looked at her son, her face no longer held the somber consideration he always saw her wear in moments like these.

She looked… irritated.

And at that, Sozin finally turned his face away and displayed an ounce of shame for acting the way he’s been all night—all week since he got the go-ahead from the monks.

“I know my son better than anyone. He has always been a brilliant, talented, stubborn boy. He has always worn his heart on his sleeve.” She said, and then stood and walked back towards the door to Sozin’s room.

Sozin’s frustration came back in a strong wave that crashed against his mind in the form of a headache at his mother’s confusing remark. 

“Whatever it is you think, I know I _respect_ Roku above everything else. Whatever he wishes, I’ll always adhere to it without question.” He said, and he meant it with every ounce of his being.

His mother stood motionless by the door for a few moments before looking at him over her shoulder. “Even if he wishes for your friendship to end indefinitely?” She asked.

The doors shut, and Sozin scoffed.

He sat alone on his bed for a few minutes after his mother left, mulling over her words. The candlelight from his nightstand began to dim, signaling they had reached the end of their lifecycle. Instead of moving to blow them out, the Fire Nation prince allowed them to burn out naturally.

Sozin was not an idiot. He knows full well he and Roku, though both destined for great power and responsibility, were on different pathways of life.

He knows that.

And he also knows that if he didn’t take this trip to say his piece, he’d never get another chance to. Any longer, and he’d be appointed the new Fire Lord and have no time at all for spontaneous trips around the world. Any longer, and regret would become his shadow.

No. Sozin is no idiot.

He knows what his mother meant.

He knows it’s best to rip the band-aid off rather than prolong the pain.

And so, he will.

Even if the wound beneath leaves a scar that will last a lifetime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance in the chapters are shorter to begin with. If they don't get longer, that just means there will be more shorter chapters.


	3. The Night and Morning Of

It’s no big deal, they’d told him. You’ve worked hard to master air bending ahead of schedule, they’d said. Of course, a small visit from your closest friend isn’t any trouble at all, they’d said.

That’s what the Council of Elders had said. So why did Roku feel like burning himself underneath the ground when he heard the news?

‘Go away.’

How could he think that?

Roku shook his head.

If only he knew the answer to his own question.

A knock on his door sounded off and broke him out of his woeful trance.

“Come in.” He said reluctantly.

“Well if it isn’t the air bending master himself!” A familiar voice exclaimed.

Roku turned and was greeted with Gyatso’s big smile. 

“Hardly.” The avatar huffed, and then scooted over to make room from the young nomad to sit. “I’m no more a master of it than you are.”

“Don’t be like that, Roku!” Gyatso playfully swatted at his shoulder before taking a seat. “You wouldn’t be moving on to the Northern Water tribe if the monks didn’t think you were ready.”

“I guess.”

“Ok. Really. Your friend coming to visit is working you up this much?”

“No.”

“Liar.”

“...Ok, maybe a little.”

“I’d count sulking in your room for the two days leading up to his arrival as more than ‘a little’.”

“I… I don’t know.” Roku lied back on his blanketed stone bed. “I just don’t know.”

“Hey, hey now.” Gyatso followed suit, folding his hands behind his head. “It’s ok not to know.”

“It doesn’t feel like it is.”

“It never does. But… hey, remember your first ever air bending exercise?”

“Yes?” Roku turned his head sideways to give his friend a bewildered look. “What’s that have to do with this?”

Gyatso’s expression morphed into an amused smirk at the memory. “It took you the first month of your time here to pass through a single wooden panel! They slapped you around like a dead fish because you couldn’t go with the flow.”

Ugh. _That._ Roku remembered, and he didn’t appreciate having to recall it. His bruises lasted for weeks after. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. I still don’t see how bringing up my basic training exercises are relevant.”

Gyatso shook his head. “Seriously? Roku, you need to do the same thing now as you did when you finally got past all the wood panels.” He paused to sit back up and then made a ridiculously silly wavy motion with both his arms. “Go with the flow.”

Roku couldn’t help but snicker a little at how ridiculous Gyatso looked doing that. “Go with the flow, huh?” He said, and then sat back up as well.

“Yeah! Instead of letting your thoughts and feelings smack you around like a dead fish, move _with_ them.”

By the spirits, of course, Roku thought to himself.

Still…

“I wish my thoughts and feelings were air. At least then I could _physically_ move with them.” 

Gyatso laughed and offered a comforting pat on the back. “You’ll get it the more you air bend! Water, earth, and fire are nice, but they’re… oh, how do you put it… they got _substance_ to them. Air is free.”

“Not that you play favorites or anything,” Roku added with a laugh.

“Just say’in.” Gyatso said, and then stood to walk over to the door. “Well… I won’t tell you how you should be feeling, and I don’t think you should be telling you how you should be feeling either, if that makes sense.”

Roku grinned and rolled his eyes. “Yeah. ‘Go with the flow.’ Got it.”

“Don’t think too hard! Your brain could explode and then ooze out of your ears!”

“Ew!” Roku jokingly grimaced. “Ok, ok, I won’t. I promise.”

“G’night!”

“Night.”

The door shut, and Roku was left with himself again.

He thought about his friend's advice and smiled. Gyatso seemed to be the only one who could get him back in good spirits after just a few minutes of talking. Of course, he appreciated and respected the monk’s wisdom, but Gyatso has the advantage of being both a free-spirited air nomad and in the same age group as himself.

It may be through quirky words and goofy analogies, but Gyatso has a wisdom all of his own, and Roku felt that, compared to the monks, that quirkiness and goofiness only helped simplify the message.

‘Go with the flow,’ huh?

Roku’s never had to learn how to do that before.

Until four years ago, he lead a pretty simple, structured life. Everything he needed had always been provided for him, he lived life essentially around the same schedules, and if he ever did come across something that bothered him, it was relatively meager compared to what he had been feeling since he left his home.

In the blink of an eye, his world grew from the size of a small area in the Fire Nation to… well, to the size of the _actual_ world.

Problems that he didn’t know he could have surfaced before him, and the tools required to deal with them were ones he would have to learn and memorize, ‘going with the flow’ being one of them.

When he and Gyatso moved from acquaintances to trusted friends, Roku found he’d been right when he told him ‘you need to think like an air bender to bend air.’ And oh, thinking like an air bender, while it hadn’t been too difficult in hindsight, was proving to be maddeningly frustrating when applying it to non-air-issues… non-air issues like the one that will be arriving tomorrow morning.

Then again, Roku supposes that’s the deal, isn’t it? It shouldn’t matter what the problem is. If he could truly apply his air bending mindset he’d just spent the past four years mastering to his feelings surrounding Sozin’s arrival… maybe. Maybe he could ‘go with the flow.’

Roku fell back onto his bed, knowing full well sleep won’t come to him easy tonight, if at all.

So instead, he tried approaching his anxiety the way the monks had taught him and the way Gyatso suggested.

It was halfway into the night when Roku was successful in doing this. And when he did, he found the answer to his previous question of why he wished Sozin would have just stayed home.

Unfortunately, the answer only led to a thousand more questions Roku had about himself.

He was afraid.

☁

For once, Sozin is glad his father didn’t take the time to see him off on a journey, because if he did, he’s sure he’d be scolded for acting so “immature,” and by immature, Sozin meant his father’s definition of immature: being too happy.

His mother, however, surprised her son by showing up to say good-bye. She even had a small smile on her face, as if she were happy for her son; this especially caught Sozin off guard considering the difficult conversation they had just the other night.

Sozin paused saddling up the last of his things on Shu’s back and patted his blue dragon companion on the snout before turning to bid his mother farewell. 

“You came?” He asked.

“Yes.” Her voice was as quiet and passive as ever. “This is the first time you’ve left home completely by yourself.”

“Well,” Sozin idly fumbled with the long sleeves of his robe. “I am an adult, you know.”

“I’m well aware of that. I merely… Sozin, I’m sorry if what I said to you last night was upsetting. I just wanted to prepare you for something that could happen to you—something I know all too well.” She said, a tang of sorrow blanketing her tone.

And Sozin realized right then that he doesn’t want to see his mother in pain. Even if she was far from the doting maternal figure Sozin wished she’d have been to him in childhood, he’d never wish ill will towards her, let alone want to see her in any kind of harm or emotional turmoil.

He owes his life to her, at the end of the day, and he wants to leave their relationship on a good note.

“It’s ok. I… I was never really mad at you.”

Those words seemed to lighten her face and posture, so he continued.

“I guess… I don’t know. I could barely sleep. I was frustrated more with the fact that your words may hold truth to them than you saying them to me yourself.” Sozin explained, and with each word, he felt his shoulders sag a little more.

“The last thing I want to do is make Roku think I don’t respect the fact that he needs his space for all his avatar training.”

His mother was quiet for a moment before walking over to him and doing something she’s only ever done a select few times throughout Sozin’s life—she hugged her son.

Sozin felt stupid that it took a couple seconds before he wrapped his arms around her, returning the embrace.

“Roku is different from those I had to leave behind in life, dear. I could tell since the day you befriended him all those years ago.”

Sozin nodded, holding his mother a little tighter. Who knew when she’d show her affection so openly again?

And then, as if she could read his mind, she continued, “I may not have been who you needed me to be, but I thought the least I can do now is prepare you for life’s unpleasant twists and turns.”

“I…” Sozin felt his heart lurch. His mother only wished to do what she could for him now as an adult. Now that there was no going back and making her son feel a little less alone.

“I’m glad you have Roku to go to.” She said, and then moved to place a light kiss to her son’s forehead. “I hope that he will always be there—that you’ll be there for each other for the rest of your lives, whatever that looks like.”

He now knows where his mother is coming from, and despite the small voice of disgusting doubt in the back of his head that came from her words of caution, he hopes he’s right—he hopes time means nothing for them.

His mother raises a good point, but she admits Roku feels different than those who she’d lost for one reason or another.

Who, though, did she lose?

Sozin then realized he knew next to nothing about his mother.

Hopefully, with time, he’ll have the chance to make an active decision to rectify that.

“Thank you.” He said, because what else was there to say?

“Of course.” She said, and then pulled away to allow her son to finish packing. “Be safe.”

Sozin chuckled. “I’ll try.”

He watched her walk off, followed by her ladies in waiting back into the palace.

Something big and cold and wet pressed against his back and shoved him slightly forward. Sozin turned around and placed a comforting hand on Shu’s snout to reassure him. 

“It’s alright, Shu. I’m ok.”

If dragons could look like they were in doubt, Sozin felt that that’s how Shu would look right now.

“Really. Everything’s fine. Let’s go.”

Everything’s fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sozin's dragon doesn't have a canonical name, or if he does, I wasn't mentioned on his Wiki, so I picked one for him.


	4. Arrival

Even though the mountain peak this temple is built upon has some of the freshest air in the world surrounding it, Roku felt anything but rejuvenated. All the ‘thinking like an air bender’ and ‘going with the flow’ he did last night only seems to have hindered his mind more than alleviate it. He’s sure that given time, he’ll arrive at some form of conclusion. But that day is not today.

It is in fact morning, but because he is so high up in these rocky peaks it feels more like the repulsive, earliest hours of dawn. What’s more, he’s the only one here who has had four years of adjustment to the lack of morning light, and while some may think that would be plenty of time, Roku could wholeheartedly say it certainly is _not._

Gyatso teased him for this initially, calling him a ‘poor, poor fire bender who needs the sun to be a functioning human being.’ And yes, Roku thought, this was true. But he wishes the universe would have been a little nicer to him this morning more than any other given who’s arriving today.

The smoothed, stone staircase he’d been walking down came to an end at the temple’s largest courtyard, which is where the monks instructed Sozin to arrive.

The young air nomads who he had been training with for the last four years had been whispering amongst themselves until their eyes landed on the only person here with more than a single strand of hair on their head.

“Roku!” Gyatso’s voice cut through the small crowd and air-balled up to him, leaving Roku’s hair a tad shabby. “Excited? Or are you going to vomit? Or both?”

“Hey!” The young avatar protested, attempting to smooth it down as much as he could using his fingers. “I spent a while brushing this! Not that you’d have any sympathy, of course.”

Gyatso only shrugged before grinning at his friend. “Looks like someone wants to make a good impression. You think you’d care less after all the fuss you made last night.”

Roku huffed and gave up on straightening his hair out any further. At least the hairpiece Sozin gifted to him hadn’t fallen out. If it did, Roku may have _actually_ been upset with Gyatso. “It’s not about impressions. It’s the fact that I _took the time_ to do it and you _ruined_ it with one air scooter.”

The young air nomad simply shook his head before patting Roku’s right shoulder. “As I thought. You’re tenser than I’ve seen you in a while, and this is _after_ you’ve already eaten.”

Roku quirked a brow. “And what does _that_ mean?”

Gyatso smirked. He won’t let up just because his friend is a little tired. “Isn’t it obvious? You get like… so, so cranky when you’re hungry.”

Roku scoffed. “I do not.”

“Yeah. Ya do.”

“Do not!”

“Boys, please, it’s hardly half past morning.” A calm yet firm voice cut off whatever rebuttal Gyatso was about to attack with.

Both their heads turned to see Monk Jin approach them with an amused expression. 

The man was, Roku thought when he’d first been assigned as his primary air bending master, _old_ , even in comparison to the rest of the Elders. However, he always spoke and conducted himself with a light, content aura, which made him feel like the _youngest_ Elder.

“Sorry.” They both said in unison and gave a bow.

“Playful banter is all well and good, but I ask you at least wait till noon, especially since we have an important guest joining us for a week.”

“I agree,” Roku said while looking pointedly at Gyatso who started this debacle and nearly every other one between them.

The young air nomad simply shrugged the look from his friend off.

Monk Jin led the two to the edge of the courtyard, where Roku could see the sun about to break past many, many clouds surrounding the temple. Yes, he was incredibly tired from his lack of sleep, but the sight of vast rocky pillars about to be graced with the sun’s warmth never failed to put him at ease.

And then, Roku found he didn’t know what he should be thinking or feeling again, just like the night before, and the night before that one, and all the nights he had lied awake since he received Sozin’s letter saying he’s on his way. 

He’d tried doing as Gyatso had suggested. He did try. And he found he was fearful of Sozin’s arrival as a result and he didn’t know why.

Or, maybe he did know, and he didn’t want to dwell on that too much lest he risk becoming completely absorbed in his anxiety. Either way, it wouldn’t do to welcome Sozin with a forlorn face, even if that about sums up his current mood.

“I can’t help but wonder how Sozin reacted to seeing a flying bison for the first time,” Roku said to Monk Jin in an attempt to distract his mind.

He could picture it: Sozin has seen illustrations of the creatures in old texts before, but laying eyes on one in real life… 

“Maybe he thought what I did when I first saw them: how can a creature so large fly?”

Monk Jin turned to him with a questioning look. “Bison? No, Roku. Prince Sozin said he had transportation covered in our exchange.”

What? Covered? How? Unless you had a creature that could fly, getting up here is impossible.

“Then what—”

A sudden roar boomed from the distance, making Roku swivel his head to look out across the rocky peaks.

He knew for a fact that there wasn’t a flying bison alive that sounded so fierce. Deep maybe, but that was only because the creatures are as big as they are. This roar… it sounded like…

A flash of blue flicked out amongst the puffy clouds, and just as the sun broke over the crest of the temple’s elevation, a _**dragon**_ darted up and forward.

A slim, muscled, ethereal blue dragon flew closer and closer and all Roku could do was stand there agape and in awe.

_A dragon._

_A dragon_ finally came to halt above the courtyard and began to slowly descend. Monk Jin had to grab his student’s wrist and lead him away so it could land because all Roku could do was stand still and marvel at a creature he’s heard stories about since he was born.

As it’s long body touched down safely, it was then Roku saw him.

Roku saw Sozin.

He saw his oldest friend situated nonchalantly on the back of a creature Roku used to only think existed in world mythology.

And then, just as he did when he’d received Sozin’s letter where he essentially invited himself to the Southern Air Temple, all Roku thought was, _‘Of course. Only you’d somehow wind up on the back of a dragon. Of course.’_

All the air nomads rushed over to the dragon. Having never seen one before themselves, they were elated to have this privilege. Even the monks seemed shaken with sublime awe and drew close. Roku was afraid that the marvelous being would growl or thrash backward at the sudden advance of humans it hadn’t met before, but to his surprise, the dragon only huffed and settled in a more grassy area of the courtyard before lying down.

The nomads and monks formed a semi-circle around the dragon, but at a respectable distance. 

It was then Roku realized he was the only one who _hadn’t_ walked towards the dragon to greet his friend properly. But… Roku couldn’t seem to get his feet working properly.

Why? He didn’t know, but he suddenly felt like an outcast in a place he’d been calling home for four years of his life.

He even turned away from the group of people—turned away from Sozin.

He’d been thinking about this day since he knew it was coming, but now that it’s finally here… was he ready for this?

“Roku!” A voice shouted his name and broke out amongst the crowd’s chatter.

The avatar turned back around to see Sozin standing tall upon his dragon’s back, hands on his hips, smile as bright as he remembered.

Then he jumped, and he jumped _far._

He landed in the middle of the air benders and his friend and hurried the rest of the way until he was standing no more than three feet in front of Roku.

Sozin stretched out both arms and glanced to one side, then the other, and then back to Roku. 

“Well. I’m here!” He said. His voice was far deeper than Roku remembered. But, that was to be expected.

_Change_ was to be expected.

But the thing that _obviously hadn’t changed_ was Sozin’s affinity for _grand_ entrances and gestures.

_And, of course. Of course, you’d haul yourself in on the back of a dragon, jump off its back, practically land in front of me, and simply say, ‘Well. I’m here!’ Of course, you would._

Roku smiled. “So, you are.”

They stood there for a moment.

Then another moment.

Then another.

And another.

“What’s the matter?” Sozin raised a brow. “Is the all-mighty Avatar too good for a hug from his oldest friend?” He asked with an edge of playful mockery.

_How just like you._

Roku wanted to smack himself for just… well, just standing there like an idiot.

“I could ask the same of the Fire-Lord-to-be.” Roku attempted to joke back, even though he was quaking in his skin right now.

_So bright._

His smile was so, so bright. As bright as he remembered. The Sun itself.

Sozin only laughed at Roku’s rebuttal before closing the distance.

The hug felt surreal.

Roku logically knew Sozin was right here right now, with him, hugging him after so long. 

And, by the spirits he _still_ didn’t know how he should feel, but for Sozin’s sake, he’ll pretend to be filled with joy and return the hug with as much strength as he could. 

Upon doing so, Roku immediately realized that Sozin grew a little taller and broader. 

“I missed you so much.” Sozin’s voice whispered next to his ear at a volume only meant for Roku to hear.

As much as Roku felt conflicted about this day, now that Sozin uttered those words, the avatar found a lot of the nervousness plaguing his mind wash away.

He was still uneasy, but he couldn’t deny how amazing it felt to be hugged by the one person who’s been beside him since the beginning—the person he trusted like no other and had been forced to leave. The person he—

He’ll deal with his feelings later, he decided.

Now wasn’t a time for thought, but for _action._

He tightened his arms slightly, wanting Sozin to know he shared his sentiment.

“I missed you, too,” Roku said.

☁

Pulling away from the hug was like watching the fire you’d rely on in a cold tundra die out—you yearned for just one last wave of heat, but you’re powerless to stop it from dying.

Sozin didn’t want to pull back, but any longer and it’d be awkward for the both of them, what with an entire crowd behind them.

“So,” Sozin said, clasping a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “How’ve you been?”

He watched as Roku chuckled at the question. Sozin didn’t care that he’d found what he said funny. He was more trained on how good it felt to be here, in the present moment with Roku and hearing him laugh again.

“A bit of a loaded question after all this time, don’t you think?”

Sozin returned Roku’s smile. “Good thing you have a week to unload it for me then.”

“Ah, right. We’d best show you where you’ll be staying.” Roku said, and even though it has been a while, Sozin could still pick up on the little nervous hair-twirling gesture he’d seen his friend do whenever he felt anxious.

Sozin would be lying if he said he felt a bit saddened at that. Surly, Roku knew that underneath the physical changes and past the time that had gone by, he had nothing to be nervous about. Sozin was still himself.

Well, he supposes he could dismiss it since they were, in fact, in a public setting.

Oh, right, and he forgot to mention in any of his letters that he’d acquired a _dragon_ companion.

That _might_ be a part of it.

“Of course. Lead the way!” Sozin followed Roku as he walked over to one of the monks.

Based on the way they spoke to each other, Sozin assumed it was this specific monk who had been teaching Roku since he arrived here. 

When Roku next spoke to him, it confirmed his thoughts. 

“Sozin, may I introduce Monk Jin, my teacher.”

Monk Jin bowed his head out of respect for his royal status, and Sozin did the same since the man was far, far wiser, and experienced than he.

“It’s an honor to meet you,” Sozin said, effortlessly fitting into his guize of regality he’d been taught since he was little. “I’d like to thank you again for agreeing to let me come visit Roku, and for letting me stay.”

“Of course.” Monk Jin smiled. “It is our way to welcome all who come here.”

“I appreciate your hospitality,” Sozin said, and bowed once again for good measure.

“Your room is this way.” Roku tapped his shoulder and pointed towards a long, winding staircase.

Ah, right, mountain terrain.

Sozin was far from weak in the physical sense, but it appears if he wanted to go anywhere here, he’d have to climb.

He thought to himself ‘how did Roku do it for four years,’ but then remembered that, as the avatar, he could air bend, too.

By the time they reached the top of the temple, the sun had made its home in the sky. Sozin was relieved; Shu, while an amazingly durable dragon who had no problem withstanding the elements, needed a good, long bake in the sun after flying across the ocean for as long as they did.

He’ll have time to absorb the full extent of air temple architecture once he was settled, but from the small amount he did catch a glimpse of, there were no bright, accent colors anywhere to be found. Everything was monotonous from the walls to the rooftops to the stairwell they walked on. The decor that _did_ exist was in the form of sculptures and building motifs: a far cry from the Fire Nation.

And, as he expected, his assigned room matched the rest of the temple in its minimalism. However, he suspected that the ‘simple life’ air nomads led extended to all facets of their lives.

“I’ll leave you two to get settled.” Monk Jin said, who had accompanied them up. The man waved a hand before departing from the doorway.

Silence swept across the floor of the room like a light summer breeze; it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, though. Sozin just… didn’t know where to start.

“So. These rooms. I can’t imagine how long it took to get used to.” Sozin turned to face his friend.

He watched Roku shrug. “Surprisingly? It didn’t take long at all to make this place a home-away-from-home.”

“Really?” Sozin quirked a brow and then moved to take a seat on what would be his bed for the next week… if one could call a slab of polished stone a ‘bed.’

A smile grazed Roku’s expression as if he were conjuring a fond memory. “Yeah. Monk Jin told me it isn’t uncommon for the current avatar to feel a pull towards the benders that will welcome the next reincarnation.”

Sozin thought about that and how fitting it was. Roku did always seem a bit more light on his feet than most fire benders. 

He smirked at the many many training routines they’d gone through as kids and how he’d won almost all of them. “Well. It seems Monk Jin was right. You’re a fire bender, too, but no amount of training ever seemed to have done away with your light posture and bubbly personality you’ve had since forever.”

“Wh—hey!” Roku’s face changed rapidly, morphing into a slightly irritated expression. And… was that a hint of blush? “I can’t help the way I am any more than you can.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Are you saying I’d be better off if I was someone else? Someone a little more hot-headed like a certain prince I know?”

The look on Roku’s face, to anyone else, would suggest he meant every word that he’d just uttered, but Sozin could tell the difference between banter and a meaningful jab.

Sozin grinned. “Not your fault you have to spread yourself thin bending-wise. Besides, you honestly think I’d want you to be anyone but yourself?”

Those words got an interesting reaction out of his friend. Roku not only twiddled with the tips of his hair that hung just past his shoulders but also grew slightly more red in the face.

Looks like the shy aspect of him hadn’t changed.

Thank the gods, Sozin thought.

He didn’t know what he’d do with himself if he came here and discovered Roku became more ‘serious’ in his demeanor.

Sozin should have known better. Despite his mother’s words of warning, Roku hadn’t appeared to have changed one bit. At least, on the surface level. But Sozin was allowed to hope, wasn’t he?

“Well,” Roku huffed. “What you said implies the contrary.”

“Seriously, Roku.” Sozin stood from where he had been sitting on his ‘bed’ and walked over to his friend. “Two of me would be a nightmare, wouldn’t you think?” He joked, regarding Roku’s earlier jab.

Roku snickered at that. “When you put it that way…”

“Exactly.”

“One of you is all this world could handle.”

“Hey.” Sozin lightly shoved his shoulder. “Don’t push it.”

“Or what?”

Sozin laughed. He couldn’t help it. Thankfully, Roku laughed along with him after a second or two. He was beyond thrilled at how easily they fell back into their old mannerisms.

What was his mother so worried about?

“Ooor… I’ll go back down to the courtyard and tell everyone about that one time you fell back into that coy pond and wound up with a turtle duck latched to your elbow for ten solid minutes.”

Roku’s eyes widened and he scoffed. “You wouldn’t.”

Wanting his friend to believe even a _fraction_ of the tease, Sozin walked over to the threshold of his room’s door. “Watch me.”

“Ok! Ok. Jeez.” Roku threw his hands up. “You’ll never let that go will you?”

Sozin shrugged. “So long as it brings me joy whenever I remember it, no, I don’t think I will.”

Roku rolled his eyes, but couldn’t mask the fact that he was enjoying their mock-bickering.

“Well… I have plenty of memories of you messing up, too. Like when you accidentally set the porch curtains on fire? Priceless.”

Ah, yes. Sozin remembered that too. It was the most ridiculous thing a trainee could do: attempt a move well out of his mastered zone. His parents weren’t pleased, needless to say. But then, Roku had tried to step in and calm the situation. He’d said how Sozin really, really didn’t mean to do it, and that he’d never try anything too advanced for his current level again. Gods. That had to be when they were at least twelve or thirteen.

Sozin sighed fondly at how even when they were barely considered people, Roku was always looking out for him.

Yes, it hurt far, far more than Sozin expected it to when Roku left, but there’s no one else who would have made a kinder, more compassionate avatar than his closest friend.

He’s happy the world has Roku.

Sozin knew Roku had been far from elated at the news when he’d received it on their shared 16th birthday.

Having air under his belt, Sozin only hopes Roku has found some level of contentment as the avatar.

“Good thing you were there to vouch for me, then,” Sozin said, giving a light pat to his friend's shoulder. “I’m not sure my parents would have let me live another day if you didn’t.”

Roku smiled and shook his head. “They _were_ some of your mother’s favorite curtains, to be fair.”

They talked well into the morning and afternoon.

Sozin felt a little guilty about keeping Roku here for so long. Surely, he had air bending things to attend to, right?

Then again, if Roku did have something urgent to take care of, he most likely would have said so.

They were always honest with each other. It was the main foundation of their friendship.

So, Sozin pushed that little worry aside in favor of listening to Roku.

He talked about everything and nothing. He told Sozin about how many times he crashed and burned before managing to learn how to use his glider. He spoke with awe about the flying bison and how he wishes he could receive a bison companion of his own like all the other nomads did. Roku boasted about the good friend he’d made here—Gyatso—and told Sozin he just _had_ to try the sweet cakes the young nomad made—that they were like tasting the clouds themselves.

At a certain point, they both moved to Sozin’s stone bed to continue their conversation. Well, at least it was a conversation in name. Sozin only spoke to ask another question, because he loved watching how elated Roku got talking about things he liked and how embarrassed he got when discussing his first failed attempts at mastering air. Sozin swore Roku’s expressions could change faster than the wind currents themselves, and he drank in each one of them after being robbed of them for four long years.

By the time Roku appeared to realize how much he’d been talking non-stop, the afternoon began bordering on evening.

“Gosh, I’m sorry. There’s just so much I want to tell you. The Southern Air Temple is amazing, Sozin!”

“Don’t apologize,” Sozin said, and meant it. “Really. I’m so glad to hear you’ve had a good time. I’d be saddened if you came here only to realize you’re miserable so far away from home.”

“Oh, I was.” Roku huffed a laugh. “Devastated, actually. I couldn’t stop thinking about… well, about everything. Before I could even bend so much as a leaf in mid-air, I had to learn how to think like air… if that makes sense.” Roku said.

“Kind of. What do you mean?”

“It was so, so hard to get past that first test I told you about—the one with the wooden panels. But when I was finally able to let go of everything I was troubled about and move _with_ myself rather than _against_ myself, I did it. Or, as Gyatso likes to call it: I just had to _‘go with the flow.’”_ Roku said and imitated his nomad friend’s swaying arm movements.

Sozin laughed and asked, “Is that really how he told you that?”

“Oh yes!” Roku smiled. “Gyatso is all goof all the time.”

“You must have gotten along right away then.”

Roku shook his head. “I can be serious when the time calls for it, you know. I’m not _exactly_ like how I was when we were kids.”

“True,” Sozin said, and then against his better judgment, moved to place a hand between Roku’s shoulders. “But… I’m glad the parts that make you who you are haven’t.”

Instead of a look of embarrassment at the forward compliment as had happened before, Roku smiled and nodded. “I could say the same for you. I’m… relieved the imperial life hasn’t hardened you. I wasn’t sure how you were going to change… but then, as soon as I read your corresponding letter where you _invited yourself_ to the Southern Air Temple, I knew you hadn’t changed as drastically as I thought.”

“Hey, now.” Sozin playfully shoved Roku where his hand rested. “I didn’t _invite myself._ I asked politely, and the monks allowed it.”

“Not sure if ‘I’m coming to see you,’ qualifies as polite, but sure, whatever you say.”

Sozin chuckled. “And suddenly you’re the manners police? Since when?”

Roku raised both his brows as if the answer to that were obvious as the sky’s color is blue. “I’m certainly less blunt than you.”

“What. Ever.” Sozin rolled his eyes.

Roku stood up and walked to the door. “Well. Dinner will be ready soon. I’ll let you unpack and come get you in a few.”

“All right.” Sozin stood and walked up to his friend. “Thank you. For talking with me for as long as you did, I mean.” He said. While he wanted to do nothing but talk with his friend well into the night and catch up on everything, he supposes he is getting a bit hungry.

Sozin watched as Roku brought a hand up to fiddle with his hair tips again. But this time, the gesture didn’t feel like it was coming from a place of embarrassment.

“Well, I did do most of the talking. I’m surprised your ears haven’t fallen off already.”

“Nonsense.” Sozin waved his hand through the air. “As I said, I’m glad to hear you’ve had a good time. Heck, I wish I could have joined you. You’ve had more fun than me.”

“Not at first!”

“But still.”

“Ok, well… I’ll show you around anywhere you like in the days to come. I’ll show you what I’ve learned. I’ll even teach you a few moves if you want. Will that makeup for it?”

Sozin gave his friend a questioning look. “I can’t air bend.”

“Doesn't mean you can’t apply the forms to fire bending.”

“True. True.” Sozin nodded.

“Ok, then.” Roku stepped out of the door. “I’ll come by soon as dinner’s ready.”

“Wait—” Sozin reached his hand out and grabbed a hold of Roku’s air bending gi before he could leave.

Roku appeared to be caught off guard at the way he lurched backward at Sozin’s sudden quick movement. 

Before Sozin allowed doubt to stop him, he pulled his friend into a hug just as he did this morning.

Roku stiffened at the action but quickly relaxed into it.

Since this morning, all Sozin wanted to do was wrap his arms around Roku and hold him there. Since when they hugged at Sozin’s arrival, the Fire Nation prince had never wanted to let go. Not yet. Not until he could assure himself that Roku was here in the present with him after so long.

“What’s wrong?” Roku’s voice asked next to his ear.

“Nothing… I—it’s just I really, really missed you Roku.” Sozin spoke the truth. Or rather, he spoke it in a way that didn’t reveal _why_ he’d missed him as much as he did.

Roku huffed a laugh and tightened his arms and it felt amazing. “And I you, Sozin. We’ll have plenty of time to catch up.”

“Promise?” Sozin asked as he drew away.

“Of course.”

With a wave, Roku left the room, and the air instantly felt colder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for that good ol' angst, lads :)


	5. First Light

To say this was more vegetables than he’s ever eaten before would be an understatement. There were shapes and colors he’s never seen or would have even though vegetables capable of possessing. Sure, he was in a completely different region of the world, but still. This was… _a lot_ of vegetables.

The nomads dined in a quaint, stone hall somewhere in the heart of the temple with the same, modest decor: a simple round stone table with smoother, polished stone seats surrounding its edge. Compared to the palace Sozin called home, the Southern Air temple seemed nothing more than a chiseled mountain top.

He didn’t dislike that about it, though. He’s sure Roku must have come to find it welcoming as a home away from home during his training.

Dinner went just about as smooth as an on-again-off-again fall storm. He couldn’t remember the last time he was bombarded with so many questions. The air nomads were as forceful as they were free-flowing with their interrogation. 

Still, Sozin didn’t dislike them for it.

It was a welcomed change from having to bow to everyone you’d encounter within the Fire Nation’s palace halls.

The Elders were the only ones in the room who spoke to him with refinement, but even their words and mannerisms weren’t tied down to anything—like the very element they bent.

Very, very welcomed.

And Roku’s smile and laughter lit up the whole room as he watched his friend get smothered by the nomad’s curiosity.

He truly had hoped to spend this evening’s meal catching up further one on one, but as Roku said to him before, they had seven days for that.

Besides, anytime spent near his friend after going so long without his presence was just as good as banter.

A recurring question from the nomads was if Sozin would demonstrate his fire bending. In response, Sozin glanced across the room and motioned towards Roku. “Only if he agrees to partake as well.”

It elated the Fire Nation prince more than he expected it to when Roku enthusiastically agreed. How long had it been since they sparred? It was far, far longer than before the time of Roku’s departure. He practically couldn’t wait for the sun to rise once again.

By the time Roku escorted him back to his room, Sozin felt like he’d just endured the type of ruthless questioning he remembered from studies in his younger years.

He told Roku as much when he collapsed on his stone bed and his friend laughed.

“You get used to it,” Roku replied, taking a seat next to him.

“I’m amazed you did, to begin with.”

“Well, it’s like I told you. Monk Jin says it’s normal for the current avatar to gravitate towards the nation to welcome the next incarnation.”

“Sure, but four years is… a _long_ time to be surrounded by so much open curiosity,” Sozin shook his head with a huff.

Roku only grinned and shrugged. “Maybe for you. I find it refreshing.”

“For four years? You found it refreshing for _four years?”_

“Ah—well. Ok, it can be a bit much, but once I warmed up here, it just… became normal.”

“I see,” Sozin said.

Normal, huh?

Will Roku ever have such a thing? Now?

“Well, I don’t want to keep you. You promised to spar tomorrow, and I don’t want to bend at a wilted leaf.”

Roku crossed his arms and snickered. “A wilted leaf? How dare you? Just because I’ve been bending air for a few years doesn’t make me a frail leaf in the wind.”

Sozin shrugged. “I guess tomorrow will prove that.”

“You’re on!” Roku extended a hand, to which Sozin shook with a grin. “I’ll make you eat that doubt.”

Maybe it was the dim lighting in Sozin’s small, stone room, but something within his friend’s eyes seems to have changed. He’s always been curious, eager to learn about the world they live in. That’s just the kind of person Roku is. But now? It’s hard to say. When they talked and laughed it seemed _close to _old times; when they hugged and shook hands it felt _almost_ the same.__

___What’s missing?_ _ _

__“I’d like to see you try,” Sozin said. Maybe, maybe there will be a time in the days following to ask his friend about that. Maybe he’ll ask when he finally banishes enough fear to do what he came here to do._ _

__Maybe._ _

__They said their goodnights, and Sozin got ready for bed._ _

__He soon found this is the second restless night he’ll have to endure._ _

____

☁

This unknown surge of… _whatever this is_ —it’s not _unexpected_ , but certainly _not welcome_ in the slightest.

He wished he could have greeted the day with renewed energy, but this day wasn’t like any that preceded it because Sozin is here and what do they even begin talking about once catching up is out of the way? After their spar and after Sozin finished getting settled?

It’s not like there’s a _guarantee_ that he’ll be allowed visits like this after mastering the other two elements. He won’t be able to make promises to Sozin in good faith—in hopes of _keeping_ them, like the promises _all_ friends make of what they’ll do or bring to them or talk about _next_ time, because there may not _be_ a next time for a _very, very long_ time. 

And by _that time?_ What then? Gods, how old will he have become at that point? Roku shivered with something very close to but not exactly the same as disgust.

He’s thankful for tomorrow’s sparring session. That always takes his mind away from thoughts and focuses it on the next move of a hand, foot, leg, or arm.

As much as he appreciated Monk Jin and Gyatso’s advice, he hardly sees himself “going with the flow” with anything related to Sozin’s abrupt arrival back into his life.

As he dressed that following morning with barely a wink of sleep, Roku found a very, very rare emotion floating amongst the whirlwind of others in his chest: _**anger.**_ What or who he is angry at he doesn’t know, and he’s angry he doesn’t know that, too.

Roku decided to walk to the courtyard instead of using his air bending. It’s one of the longer routes to the courtyard from his room and he’ll take any extra time he’s allowed to clear his head before he spars. Just because he’s going through _whatever this is_ doesn’t mean he needs to wrap Sozin up in it. His friend doesn’t deserve that, especially after coming all this way to see him (even if doing so is, in part, what has made these ugly little thoughts in his mind surface. Or maybe… they’ve been there before today?)

Light stippled the open courtyard through early morning clouds. Everyone is rallied in a semi-circle around where the Monks chose for the spar to take place.

He was happy his nomad friends could finally see a fire bending match in action. He’s shown them his bending before, but a real match is always a spectacle.

“So, he shows his face.” Sozin spoke to him from the center of the courtyard. “Ready to make me eat my doubt about you being a wilted leaf?”

A low “oooo” washed over the nomads sitting on the courtyard’s edge at Sozin’s testing words, clearly eager for the match to start.

Roku rolled his eyes. “Don’t get too confident off the bat.”

They met with a clasp of hands before walking to opposing ends to begin.

“Kick his butt, Roku!” Gyatso cheered him from the sidelines, making Roku huff a laugh. Despite his earlier mood, the silent walk down to the courtyard coupled with the lighthearted banter that has kicked off this morning has him feeling a bit better.

“Don’t sweat it.” He said to Gyatso before assuming his stance.

Sozin took his as well.

They stood there for a beat, then another, and then Sozin, in his finest bout of chivalry, said, “After you.”

Of course. Gods, there was nothing the world could do to stamp out that jestful confidence Sozin always had, is there?

Without wanting to lose focus, Roku took Sozin’s initiative, and breathed in, turned to the side, and dashed forward before unleashing a white-hot burst of fire aimed at Sozin’s core.

With such a forward attack, Sozin was no donut ready for the blow, blocking it seamlessly before delivering a counterattack at Roku’s legs to most likely make him lose balance.

_Ah. He’s still using that one, is he?_

Well, unfortunately for Sozin, Roku is both familiar with his friend’s moves _and_ more resourceful with his _own_ fire bending after four years of mastering air.

And so, Roku channeled as many air bending forms and techniques as he could.

Instead of appearing shocked or cautious, Sozin looked… gleeful. He watched his friend move with each blow and eruption of fire that came his way, receiving them with nothing short of what appears to be joy. 

_**Fun.** _

Sozin is having _fun_ sparring with him.

He never counted himself to be oblivious before, but gods, Roku certainly feels that way now.

_Fun._

_What had that felt like, again?_

Not to say his time spent at the Southern Air temple didn’t have its moments, but he had come here to learn, not… _play._

A jab that nearly singed the hair on the side of his head broke him out of his lethargic thoughts. He must have made a stupid expression because Sozin laughed at him wholeheartedly. 

“Looks like _I’m_ the one who will be making _you_ eat it today, Roku!”

“C’mon, focus! Don’t make us look bad!” Gyatso cheered at him, and all he could do was sheepishly mouth ‘sorry’ to his nomad friend because Sozin was on him again with another strike, and then another, and another.

Roku dodged until he was nearly backed against his side of the courtyard.

“What’s wrong? Is the wilted leaf scared? C’mon!” Sozin said in between jabs and blows. _“Fight me!”_

For a reason his brain refused to supply right then, the accusation of him being scared caused an eruption of fire from both his hands that met in the middle, forcing Sozin to draw back lest he risk getting burnt. He released another, and one more before jumping up and landing one towards Sozin’s right side with his legs.

It wasn’t a lethal blow by any means, but it did cause Sozin to stumble back a bit.

Still, he didn’t appear worried at all; he continued to have his fun, which for some reason made Roku unsettled, unnerved.

_Why?_

_“There_ it is,” Sozin said in between breaths with unadulterated joy in his eyes. They hadn’t been fighting for long, but the precision and accuracy their moves required made this spar become hard work quickly. “There’s that fire.”

Roku was unsure of what his friend meant by that, but regardless, he found he finally had an edge and he wasn’t about to lose it now.

He kept advancing until he had Sozin pressed towards _his_ side of the courtyard. Blow after blow, Roku was sure enough of his victory before he had it—and therein lied his mistake.

With a movement so quick as if he were a viper in human form, Sozin maneuvered away from Roku's latest attack as he was about to throw it, and swerved behind him.

Roku isn’t sure how Sozin had done it, but before he knew it, his back was pressed against Sozin’s front, and his friend’s arm circled around his neck—not hard enough to cut off circulation, but enough to prevent Roku from re-focusing and disrupting his balance.

He found himself encased in a firm grip he’s not sure he had any chance of getting out of, and then, just as he was conjuring ways to get back on top, a small, sharpened blade of roaring fire appeared before Roku’s eyesight.

It’s _hot._

So, _incredibly_ hot.

_Much_ hotter than the fire Sozin had been bending since they began.

Sozin’s grip became tighter as well until his chest was practically pressed to Roku’s shoulder blades. His friend drew the blade of fire forward ever so slightly, and then in a raspy, tired, yet somehow also elated voice, whispered, _“Give up?”_

And Roku _wanted_ to respond but found he was so frozen in the moment that he forgot how to speak— _how to breathe._

Sozin’s fire felt as if it were getting hotter with each passing second they stood there, threatening to melt him down, and—Sozin’s body. It’s been pressed up against his for what feels like hours and why— _why_ couldn’t he breathe or speak or move!

In the nomad’s energetic spirit, they all began a five-second countdown for their sparring match.

“Five! Four!”

Either Roku maneuvers out of Sozin’s hold right now or it’s _over._

“Three!”

He’s _compromised!_ He needs to _**move!**_ So _why—_

“Two!”

_Why doesn’t—_

“One!”

_Why doesn’t he want to?_

“Time!”

Just as swiftly as Sozin had him in his clutches he was gone, along with the scorching temperature of his fire blade and the harsh grip on his neck.

The abrupt motion caused Roku to feel like the most molten, white-hot metal being carelessly dropped into the coldest lake on the planet.

His breath is more rugged than any other time they’ve spared and Roku even coughed a little. 

Sozin dashed back over to him, resting a comforting, gentle hand between his shoulders. “Whoa, hey. I’m sorry. Too much?” He asked quietly in a voice meant only for Roku to hear.

And Roku would reply if he felt his mind wasn’t torn to oblivion. So, he gave a simple nod instead. Because in the technical sense, _yes_ , he’s ok, he’s _alive_. He lost, but he has no substantial physical injury from their spar.

Sozin gave a sigh of relief at Roku’s nonverbal confirmation before turning to the crowd of nomads. He took Roku’s hand in his and raised it sky high as if they’d won a monumental battle for the history books. The nomads cheered for them both before swarming over to the pair in a bout of applause.

Roku put on a mask of nonchalant joy if for no other reason than to not concern the nomads, Gyatso, Monk Jin, and Sozin.

_Not now._

_Later._

_He’ll deal with this later._

“What a round! That was amazing!” Gyatso came up to them both with the rest of the nomads following behind him. They gathered around the duo like baby birds would around their mother for food. “Roku! I had no idea you could bend like that! And Prince Sozin! Your style is completely different! How’d you learn? Do you have a favorite move?”

The questions were thrown at his friend as they were at the dinner table last night, but like Roku thought he would, Sozin drank in the attention, attempting to answer each one as best he could while panting harshly with sweat beading down his skin.

Roku would have jumped in on the conversation if it weren’t for his mind still drawing a blank from their match.

That move. The blade of fire, and how close he got.

That’s new.

And it felt—

“What do you say, Roku?”

Sozin’s question broke him out of his haze, if only temporarily.

“Sorry, what was that?”

His friend snickered at his obvious vacant look. “The nomads want to see us spar one more time before I go. Wanna plan for the last day? Go out with a bang, so to speak.” He said with a wink.

“Sure,” Roku mustered. “Sounds good.”

☁

Soon enough, the hype died down and the Monks helped usher the nomads out of the courtyard to give Roku and Sozin some breathing room. Monk Jin brought the two of them some towels and water, which both were very grateful for.

“Outstanding display, Roku. I’m proud to see you apply what you’ve learned here to your fire bending. And it was an honor to witness the regal fire bending style, Prince Sozin.”

Sozin shook his head towards Monk Jin. “Please. Sozin is just fine, Monk Jin.”

Monk Jin gave a light bow. “Alright then, Sozin. I’ll leave the two of you to your own devices. Roku has nothing more to learn from us so please, take this time at our temple to relax and unwind.”

“Thank you again for your hospitality,” Sozin said, and offered a small bow in return.

“Of course. I’ll see you both this evening, then.” Monk Jin gave them both a wave and took his leave.

Sozin moved to take a seat on the stone floor and patted the spot next to him. Roku hesitated for only a moment before sitting down as well. A silence filled the air, and Roku wasn’t sure if it felt as awkward to Sozin if it did to him—he was too anxious to turn his head and get a look at his friend’s expression. 

Roku’s sparring loss ran over and over again in his mind, preventing him from simply basking in a quiet moment with his oldest friend he hasn’t seen in four long years.

He felt awful.

More than awful.

He promised he wouldn’t rope Sozin into whatever stupid, unnecessary thing that is clearly still plaguing him from this morning.

He promised.

He _should_ shut his mind up as best he could and just _talk_ to Sozin but—

“Are you going to tell me, or will I have to guess?”

_What?_

“Huh?” When Roku did turn to face Sozin at that remark, his friend’s expression was blank. It didn’t display the gleeful joy he wore during their spar or any other emotion. He wasn’t even looking at Roku himself. Sozin simply stared off into the clouds bordering the Southern Air temple.

A beat.

Then another.

And then, “It may have been four years, but I still know you enough to know when something’s amiss, and you’ve _never_ acted how you did when we’ve spared before—just… tensing up like that without struggle.”

Roku drew his knees up to his chin. “You… you’ve never used a move on me like that. How was I supposed to act?”

“No.” Sozin shook his head. But his tone wasn’t condescending or authoritative. He sounded as if he were contemplating a ridiculously difficult math problem: curious as well as frustrated.

Roku couldn’t blame him.

“I mean—yeah. You’re right. You haven’t seen all the new techniques I’ve learned over the years, but… that doesn’t explain just… freezing up the way you did, making no effort to free yourself.”

“Sozin, I—”

“You’d tell me, wouldn’t you? If I overstepped something. You’d tell me, right?”

_Oh._

_**Oh.** _

_**That’s** what he’s getting at?_

Sozin sounds frustrated, but not with his friend, rather, with _himself_ because he thinks he’s… _hurt_ Roku in some way?

“I have absolutely no way of knowing what has happened to you all this time, and I **_hate_** that. _I’m **blind.**_ So… are you going to tell me if I’ve overstepped something, or will I have to guess?”

Roku sat there, gobsmacked, in silence for a bit longer than he should have. He just never expected… Sozin could _never_ —why would he ever assume that—

_“No!”_ Roku moved to place a hand on Sozin’s shoulder to get his friend to look at him. “No. _Gods_ , Sozin, I’m sorry I made you—you could _never_ hurt me.”

And when Sozin finally did glance up at him, Roku could see that he looked as frustrated as he sounded. “I’m not talking about a _physical_ wound like a cut or a bruise, Roku.”

Not a physical— _oh._

“That, too,” Roku assured Sozin as best he could.

Yes, maybe it was a small, teensy lie, but whatever Roku found himself wrapped up in was not—it _absolutely was not_ Sozin’s fault. And he felt awful that he’s been feeling so distraught ever since his friend got here.

He wanted to tell Sozin. He did. He just didn’t want to give his friend a reason to worry. Being the Avatar has _certainly not_ been all rainbows all the time. It has _certainly not_ made Roku feel good or worthy or sure of the path ahead of him at times, and it has _certainly, **certainly** not_ gotten better with Sozin’s arrival.

But _now._ Right now, sitting here with Sozin on the ground—concerned if he’s somehow hurt Roku on an emotional level—it’s occurred to him that these muddy emotions have existed well before he received Sozin’s letter.

Of course, his friend’s arrival is an unforeseen catalyst in his avatar journey, and yes, it’s cause for stress. But whatever Roku found his mind in the middle of sorting out is _nowhere near_ Sozin’s fault.

Whatever this is, it’s a deep, deep uncertainty that has existed since—ugh, Roku didn’t even know when. And for this reason, he wished he could pile up all these nasty little thoughts and shove them away and just be with Sozin and have a good time.

Roku placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. “Please, Sozin. You have nothing to apologize for. I’m just… anxious I suppose.”

Which _wasn’t_ a lie.

“Ok, then. Why?” Sozin asked.

That, Roku doesn’t have the answer to. 

“I… I’m not even sure why. But, please. You’re definitely not the reason. I _promise.”_

Sozin stared at him for a few seconds before sighing and nodding in response. “Alright. If you say so, I believe you. But… I _**hate**_ seeing you this way. I know it’s been years, but you can talk to me, Roku—about _anything._ No matter how small.”

When Roku does find out the root of his evil, he’ll be sure Sozin is the first to know.

“Thank you. I’m really glad to still have you as a friend in my life.”

After a few more moments of sitting in silence, Sozin stood and offered a hand to Roku. “How ‘bout you show me where you’ve been holled up for the last four years? I’m really, really interested to see if your stone bed is comfier than mine.” He teased with a smirk.

Roku rolled his eyes and took the hand offered to him. 

_Later._

_He’ll deal with this later._


End file.
